August 25th, 2009
thinking mondo beyondo
Photo by Vivienne McMaster
I so wanted to write over the weekend, or even yesterday, about my excitement with joining Mondo Beyondo.
I completely and totally believe in “mondo beyondo” thinking. I would be more inclined to call it manifesting, or creating one’s life as they wish, but the term “mondo beyondo” is a lot of fun, too. I see it as a term that encompasses both dreaming big as well as the magic of manifesting as well as what I would refer to as “mondo beyondo” moments, or synchronicities–those moments when something happens in this completely easeful way and I realize that my dream has movement and little signs are showing me that it’s coming true.
I first met Andrea years ago, when I made a trip to Davis, California, because I had been accepted into the UC-Davis graduate creative writing program (“mondo beyondo” moment–a college counselor had convinced me to go to graduate school for creative writing, after talking to me and intuiting that in fact writing was what I wanted to do. Rachel, I cannot thank you enough for that!). I made a side trip down to San Francisco, which I had always wanted to see (“mondo beyondo” here–I grew up in Kansas City, Missouri, and then went to undergrad near Chicago, and would you believe that people throughout my life have randomly told me, “You would really like San Francisco”?). I knew about Andrea’s beautiful necklaces via SARK books (though I don’t think Andrea yet had a blog) and since I was coming through, we arranged to meet for coffee.
She told me about how she met SARK during this meeting, and explained the game of Magpie. Excited, I went home and did it. It was a really, really tough time in my life. I was dating this guy who was a total sociopath, and probably a sex addict. He’d cheated on me a few times, sometimes with friends of mine, once in my own bed and once in my car, and–wowza–I kept taking him back, pretending to believe the lies he was feeding me about how he’d never done anything at all. Even when I made this trip to San Francisco, he was calling me on my cell phone and yelling at me if I couldn’t talk to him because I was shuttling between UC-Davis events or trying to see as much of San Francisco as possible before leaving. My friends had stopped speaking to me, something that was very painful but oddly enough, I kind of understood. I mean, I didn’t really think much of me. Why should they? I’d started doing freelance graphic design before meeting this guy, but then he was always wanting to go out, spend money on dinners, etc. I did poorly on some design assignments and my savings account dwindled because of all of these dinners (sometimes he’d make plans for us to meet up with friends but I’d say I didn’t have money. He’d say he would cover it, but then when the bill would come, he’d hand it straight to me, right in front of them, because he knew I wouldn’t protest about the bill with them sitting there!).
It occurs to me now that while I did write about problems in the relationship at the time, I actually was never brave enough to be honest with most people about what was really going on. Like I said, it was a really, really low point in my life.
But I had my writing, and I had discovered Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, and something was dwelling in me that wanted to come out. I went home after meeting Andrea and played magpie, asking what it was that I needed to help me in my life, and landed on the word “credit.” The first listed definition was “Faith, belief.”
I wrote it on a post-it note, and hung it in my college dorm room. That post-it note has traveled with me to every home I’ve ever lived in, since. It has gone on every corkboard near my desk. At a time when I most needed faith and belief in myself, it seemed like something magic reached out from the beyond to give it to me. I so needed that. I still look at that post-it (now fading and a little gnarled around the edges) with utter kindness.
All of my biggest dreams have been the result of “mondo beyondo” thinking. Simply living the life that I am living today, which is a combination of photoshoots and life coaching and time for creative daydreaming and writing and my amazing partner who I admire and love so much…all of this came from a space of being willing to dream big.
I want to use my time with mondo beyondo to connect more. I love the idea of not creating in solitude any longer. I want to declare to the Universe that I need support, I need people. I have a lot of great skills that take me far, and I do let people help, but I still don’t sink into complete vulnerability in the ways that I want to. For instance, note that I said that I “let” people help.
I want complete surrender.
I have also realized lately that I have some big dreams to create. The start of a new semester of teaching English at the college level has only reconfirmed for me that it’s a great job, and yet it’s just not the space that I want to inhabit right now. What I do want to create is more space for myself for coaching (which has been so, so, so busy lately, with requests coming from all over, and it’s so hard to have the teaching demands that limit my availability when all I want to do is follow that energy!) and facilitating workshops (I’m so excited–I have found an alternate workshop space that is going to cut the cost of the workshop by almost half! Go see The Courageous Traveler for an upcoming announcement, and subscribe to the mailing list).
So here’s to “mondo beyondo” thinking, and stepping into a space that is about big-ness and expansion and creation. I am excited to see how the next five weeks unfold.
