Your Courageous Life

what’s your kryptonite?

My coach, Matthew, once said to me:

“You still give away a lot of power to what other people think.”

He was absolutely right.

Like most people, “what other people think” can be my kryptonite. When I’m working my tools, I am in the flow of my life, barring the usual life challenges that arise from time to time.

And, like most people–something will happen. I’ll worry about what other people think. Perhaps it’s because I’m not taking the necessary time for self-care. Perhaps it’s because it’s an errant week and the stars are not aligned. Who knows? Powerful living means embracing everything that comes into the circle of your existence, not wasting time getting pissed when it all doesn’t go according to plan.

When this pattern was at its worst, my kryptonite was any blog post where someone talked about how “annoying” happy people are–who wants to be made fun of as one of “those” people?

Or sometimes I’d notice that when people were ganging up together to complain or vent, I didn’t want to be left out of that conversation by either not participating, or by suggesting that there might be a solution to a problem. I mean, what a conversation stopper–”I see your point, and–what if we thought about…[insert potential solution/opportunity/alternative point of view].”

How “annoying” those happy people are! Look how they try to act like they’re perfect. She’s pretending to know it all! What a faker! Everyone’s just trying to be a “guru” these days! She puts herself out there too much, too often! It’s not real! Everyone has anger and judgements, and you’re pretending not to feel those things with your “happiness!”

If that sounds like your journey, it can be like straddling two worlds--one foot on the boat and one foot on the dock. In one world, you understand that these sorts of statements and the inferences behind them are a reflection of the speaker’s own fears and limitations, not yours, and that you’re in choice on whether or not you collude with them.

Then there’s your kryptonite: wanting to be part of the group, to not be too different, “Yeah! Yeah! That’s right! Happy people! It’s sooo fake! That really is a problem with no solution, and only some airhead who’s totally naive would think otherwise.”

(These exact words are probably not the ones you’d use–but ask yourself, is that the energy and tone that’s really behind them?)

 

A Declaration

Declarations in the face of kryptonite can be powerful. Here are a few that I’ve made:

Happiness isn’t selfish. When people are annoyed by happiness, it’s a reflection of their own discomfort with embracing happiness and a willingness to let go of the old, fear-based  Stories that life can’t be any other way.

Embracing happiness and choosing it willingly, and spreading a message of happiness as a powerful possibility, are not attempts to be perfect or “have it all together.”

It is a courageous thing to bypass the drama and snarck and willingly embrace happiness in a world that is just jumping to sell me on yet another problem that I could spend money to “solve.”

It’s not faking anything to embrace happiness, even if I don’t have all the cogs figured out just yet. It’s a powerful thing to step into, even before I have it all figured out.  (It’s a hallmark of the inner critic to convince us that it’s “all or nothing” and that you can’t make a move until you have everything settled).

No one who is trying to be a guru by spreading messages of happiness or empowerment will be successful in that endeavor unless they have followers–so I follow who I resonate with, and let go of the rest (and notice the discomfort some people will have with anyone who tries to step out as a leader).

Putting myself out there too much or too often? Again, who is to say? And what kind of Story is the speaker of that too much/too often criticism running about their own BIGness, their own willingness to be fully seen, with that kind of statement?

And what kind of compassion can I extend to them, despite how they deliver their message?

Yes, everyone has anger and judgements, and again, when I step away from “all or nothing” thinking, it becomes okay to embrace being happy as a path to choose.

I could even use the anger and judgements as tools to open up to deeper happiness–by observing when they are present, I can get curious and notice what it’s like when they’re not.

Truly happy people don’t pretend not to feel emotions like anger or judgement or sadness; they simply reframe those emotions as opportunities instead of buying into a collective consciousness that is, at times, hell-bent on martyrdom, drama, victimization, and bonding over negativity and putting others down rather than something that connects us positively and builds each other up.

 

Kryptonite + Courage

This is the great thing about kryptonite–when you really face it, it turns out that it’s just a basically pretty fake looking green stone used as a prop on the movie set of an equally as fake story about a superhero.

What’s your kryptonite? What do you notice causes you to shrink?

And perhaps more importantly, what’s your declaration?