Your Courageous Life

thanks, jen louden!

So, on Friday I interviewed Jen Louden for the Courageous Year. Ooooh, this was exciting for me! I dig what she writes about on her website and was gifted with The Life Organizer a few years ago and think what she speaks to is really wonderful and true. As a “for instance” of wonderful and true, one of the early things she brought up in the interview was the pressure that can be felt for those of us who are leading retreats, coaching, counseling, etc., to “live up to our bios.” 

That was my first, “Thanks, Jen Louden!” moment–it’s so very true that I can take on a sort of pressure around “living up to my bio” at all times, even feeling reluctant to air my vulnerable spots. What a breath of fresh air to hear someone speak into that! (My guess is that anyone who is a parent knows what we’re talking about–you tell your kids yelling is not okay, yet sometimes you yell. You teach your kids to pay bills on time and honor commitments, yet sometimes you don’t pay bills on time or honor commitments–we are all so beautifully human. Sometimes, that moment when they look at you, in all your beautifully human contradictions, it’s uncomfortable, yes?).

Now, if you’ve been reading thisyhere website for awhile, you already know that one thing I’m on the lookout for in my own life, all of the time are Stories–those habituated ideas about “the way it is” that might not actually be true or might not serve me. Uncovering Stories is freedom, to me–and an essential part of building the framework for any shifts one wants to make in their lives, which is why I don’t start the Courageous Year off with to-do lists of goals. Anyone can do that, and it’s worthy work, but it’s going to result in discouragement as soon as one runs into a Story that feels particularly crap-tastic.

So this talk with Jen was such fun to me, and she was such a firecracker, enthusiastic, energetic. So Story #1, I think, was this idea that the Comfort Queen must be someone who, you know, spoke all calllllm. And in short sennnnnntences. With drawn out syllllllables. Because self-care is Zennnnn like.

We got into this great discussion of how people define self-care for themselves, and often not in the habitual ways. Yoga and meditation cushions are not for everyone, and that’s okay! Manicures are great for self-care–if that’s what works for you. Nature is okay. Books are okay. Sitting at Anthropologie and people-watching (a personal favorite) is okay. Punching bags are okay! 

But my favorite part of the interview was when I got to uncover my Story about time management. I asked her if she had her own daily practice, and it was not until she said, with total realness and zero shame and devoid of any “energy” around it: “Oh, I’ve moved in and out of a regular self-care practice for years.” 

So simple. So complete. She’s moved in and out of such a practice. That’s all. No shame. No blame. No guilt. No “I’ve figured it all out and in 3 easy steps and for a bazillion dollars, you can, too!” shuckster-ism. 

This completely exposed, for me, a Story that even though I am more conscious than I used to be, and even though I fully accept myself as being on a continuum, stepping into a practice–wowza, that Story is still there that someone else has figured out how to have this really balanced life. Really? Yup. Still there. I still totally expected her to break down some kind of really cool morning practice deal that devoted 5 minutes to, say, 5 cool things, and then she started her day all balanced up and ready to roll.

Instead, her response about her practices was one that involved a lot of making room for her life, adapting and adjusting her life to what was before her, and not setting herself up for failure by buying into “all or nothing” thinking that it had to look a certain way, and admitting that sure, sometimes she fell away from her practice and then got conscious about that and stepped back in.

I feel as if we could all start up a cheer: “Thanks, Jen Louden!”

Jen’s work is really great, so check out her website if you are interested. There are a number of free resources on her website.

And by the way–my next interview is with the amazing Pixie Campbell, who is a mother, artist, and retreat-leader. Are there any questions you’d like me to ask her? Post them here.