Your Courageous Life

When it comes to manifesting, the “law of attraction,” or anything else, I just don’t know.

I fall somewhere in a dogged and complicated middle of those things, somewhere where I don’t necessarily need proof of the existence of anything scientific, because I believe what I believe and know that what I do believe has no scientific “proof.” I do believe in some kind of higher power, some kind of Universe, some kind of something that is bigger than all of us. Would I call it god? Sure, okay–why not? But would I call this “Something” a Christian god? Islamic god? Jewish god? The god-dess? No. Do I believe that this “god concept/Something” looks down on all of us and judges our behavior? Nah. (I mean, talk about “creating god in one’s own image–a god that is so petty as to judge and condemn, a god that cannot rise above all meanness? I’m not on board with that).

Also, I give myself an open permission to change and shift around the issue of a higher power or energy or manifesting or any of that, as life brings me more experiences for evaluation.

Also, I completely support anyone participating in any kind of organized religion or spiritual practice, or not participating. I support a policy of going with what resonates with you, and figure that if it’s not a comfortable experience for me to be negatively judged for my own beliefs, then it’s probably not a comfortable experience for anyone else if I were to judge them. 

But the point is that I do believe in some interwoven and connected and very complicated concept of “Something” out there. I explain the background of my beliefs as preliminary arguments for me to explain why I do support the concept of manifesting, even as I cannot explain begin to explain how it works (yup, I’ve heard the quantum physics theory. It’s plausible–as are a number of other scientists who debunk the theory. We are a society who still can’t decide if bread is good for us, who constantly changes our mind about things based on new and emerging research–so who is to say who is right?)

I believe a few things. I believe that I manifested my current partner. I believe that a few months of heavy-duty visualization, affirmations, and other assorted practices did in fact somehow, in some way that I cannot explain, draw us to one another. The series of events upon which I base this could be seen by skeptics as total bunk. I’m okay with that because I believe that the true test of one’s convictions is how comfortable they are with someone else disagreeing with them. But here they are–I began doing these manifesting exercises such as visualizing myself with a partner, affirming that I was ready for a partner, making up a calendar in which I programmed in open space each day of the week as a sort of declaration to the universe at large that I was available to spend time with someone. In the weeks before I met Andy, I had a series of dreams in which ex-boyfriends, boyfriends from years and years ago, came to me and asked me to take them back. To each one, I said “no.” Then, after Andy and I had had our first phone call and set up our first date (we met via a local online dating site that now no longer exists), we actually saw one another at the grocery store before our first date. We ambled up and down aisles, kind of scoping one another out while we grocery shopped but neither of us approaching one another for fear of the embarrassment that could come: (“Excuse me, but, are you the person I’ve been talking to from that online dating site? Oh, you’re not? Oh. Okay. Great. Sure. Bye.“) Throughout my entire life, I have had crushes on an inordinate number of Andrews (to the point where I once remarked to a friend, “I’m always crushing on Andrews.”) Andy has dated two other Kates. 

Irrefutable proof? Of course not. Yet I believe sincerely that because I was putting myself out there as someone desiring a partner with precisely the specifications that my quite handsome, patient, and altogether wonderful man (did I mention that he is Italian???) came with, I also believe that I created that experience.

On a purely practical level, it can be said that I created the experience of this relationship because I wasn’t willing to settle for the other dudes who came my way. Like the charming guy at the post office who seemed to sizzle with chemistry but then later revealed that he did “a little recreational cocaine”? Yeah. I dropped that. I didn’t stick around to see if I could change him. I was clear on my deal-breakers from the start. Cocaine use? DEAL-BREAKER. (And can I just say that the choice was totally validated weeks later, when he called me out of the blue and told me that we were like two orbs of light vibrating with beautiful intensity, etc., etc.?)

The same thing goes for the commitment-phobe in college who tried to convince me that wanting monogamy was a symptom of control issues. The sex was pretty hot, and I was admittedly lonely, and we did have a pretty good time the rest of the time–but at the end of the day, even when I was hardly asking him to put a ring on my finger, there was something about the idea of a relationship that just didn’t sit right with him, even though he tried to go along with it as best he could. So we broke up. That one was hard, for me. Was it the “law of attraction” that made us a mis-match? Nah. I don’t think so. Was I creating the life I wanted by letting go of that relationship in order to remain open to something new? Totally.

I have had any number of strange and amazing experiences with money, as well. Experiences like jobs I needed that fit my schedule perfectly coming through at the exact last possible second, and everything happening in such a way that had it happened even slightly differently, I would not have received the call I needed to receive, things like that, and thus would not have had the job. Experiences like old employers hunting me down even without forwarding addresses in order to find me and get back-pay to me. 

It seems to me that whether one calls it the “law of attraction” or simply “I create a good life through making choices that are a match for what I want,” there are certain commonalities that are needed: First, one must be open to anything and not have a belief that something won’t happen. Second, one must start putting action forward to make things happen. Third, one must believe they’re worthy of receiving something. Fourth, one must believe that it’s going to happen even in the midst of seeming obstacles (for instance, had you asked me if I’d find a great life partner when I was dating Commitment Phobic Man, I’d have said no. But of course, I did need to date that guy, learn what I needed to learn from that relationship, and then move on to my next in order to have the wisdom that would prepare me for future relationships. Had I decided based on Commitment Phobic Man that there were “no good men left,” how would that have served me?).

One question I like to ask myself from time to time when I am feeling particularly resistant to stepping into integrity/my vision for myself, is this one: Am I willing to live as though manifesting is true?

If I am presented with any challenge in life, asking that question places me squarely in a place of accepting responsibility for whatever I have created in my life. If I am presented with any challenge in life, that question places me absolutely in a place of being the one responsible for changing its circumstances. Since the principles behind manifesting are based on things like thinking positively, I am willing to step into a space of choosing positively and believing, even without proof, because my alternatives (negative thinking? feeling hopeless?) don’t feel powerful. 

For a long time, I was in a place where I thought that I really needed that proof. Now, I don’t think I do. I’m willing to let life shape me, to trust my instincts and what resonates with me on a feeling level rather than a proof level. 

Without starting a religious debate here, or even a “does god exist?” debate–let’s skip those issues altogether–I’m curious to know: Do you believe in manifesting, the “law of attraction,” or something else? What amazing things have you either manifested or created based on choices, in your life?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 16th, 2010 at 5:00 am |