Your Courageous Life

If Jealousy Could Talk

Jealousy is often regarded as a petty emotion, the sort of thing that only less-evolved types feel, or perhaps as the domain of losers who like to complain more than they like to take action.

Sure, we all know those people. We’ve all been those people, at some point or another.

But jealousy, pissed off or whiny as she may sound, has something important to say:

“Look over here, at this thing that you want to do, but are not allowing yourself to do.”

 

Big Dreams

When I was three, when people asked what I wanted to do when I grew up: I wanted to write and illustrate children’s books. I was declaring this before I could even write letters.

When I was in middle-school, I wanted to write books for girls my age: Sleepover Friends, The Babysitters Club, things like that–then Sweet Valley High.

In my 20s, in graduate school for creative writing, I wanted to write literary fiction.

Would you believe that the deep desire now that I’m in my 30s and have been running a personal development website for a few years, has been to write a book?

So I have written books–two books in the past two years, in fact, and tricked them out with videos and more.

And–that’s a lot.

But.

But, but, but–

Jealousy keeps popping up and letting me know that my long-held dream of a print book, an actual bound book that you can hold in your hands, is where I’ve always been oriented.

This basically means that any time someone talks about a book proposal, Jealousy gets seriously stirred up.

 

The Truth About Jealousy

Jealousy is incredibly helpful. Jealousy is clarifying. Jealousy points a fat magnifying glass on what you truly want.

Jealousy does not always need to indicate that you wish less for someone else. When I hear about anyone else’s book proposals, I don’t go to a place of wishing they weren’t writing them or hoping they don’t succeed.

Jealousy simply gets honest: I want that for myself.

I don’t get jealous over things like being a high-profile doctor. Nothing appeals to me about having a thriving practice as a masseuse. A few times a year, I am hit by a whim to learn how to cook like Alice Waters, but it’s just an idea–certainly not jealousy.

But people who inherit large sums of money, who are fluent in Italian, who never get running injuries (yo, Dean Karnazes), who own Mini-Coopers, or who publish books in print?

Y’all make me jealous, in the very best possible way.

 

Big Action Inspired By Jealousy

So here’s big announcement #1: I’ve been working on a book proposal. It should be done by January 1, 2013.

Would you help me out and spread the news?

Click to tweet: “. @katecourageous is writing a book proposal. Publishers wanted. ”

–or just use any of the “share” icons that are provided in the footer of this blog post.

This feels vulnerable to share, because it’s been such a life long dream. Nonetheless, I walk my talk. This is courage, baby! Feeling the fear, diving in anyway, and transforming.

 

Big Announcement #2: I keep getting jealous of endurance athletes. So–I’m training for a half-Ironman. Not a full Ironman–don’t go getting too impressed–but a half. That means a 1.2 mile swim, 56 miles on the bike, and then running a half-marathon (a full Ironman is double each of those distances).

Yes, I am already signed up. Yes, I have already started training.

A half-Ironman is do-able by most mortals who are reasonably fit, but with my running injury history, and my fear of swimming in open water and getting kicked in the face by some middle-aged former frat boy who goes animal-style with his breast-stroke, side-swiping everything (and everyone) in his path?

Yeah, that’s pretty much terrifying. Here’s Kate Courageous, transparently owning her fear and ensuring that I’ll get my ass in gear and train by telling the entire Internet of my plans.

My half is set for July, a few weeks after WDS, which means that part of my incentive to stick to my training plan will be that I don’t want to go to WDS and tell everyone that I bailed.

 

Big Announcement #3: This has nothing to do with jealousy, but since I’m making big announcements, I thought that everyone should know: I got married to my long-time sweetie. It seems like the kind of thing that someone who lives some of their life online, might tell people.

 

It was a gorgeous ceremony, held in a park out in wine country, California, and post “now pronounce you parnters in life” bit, we danced back out the aisle to Michael Franti. Then we went to Peet’s in our wedding gear because I knew I needed some caffeine to make it through the reception, and because we are just that fucking nuts:

(Photography by: Michael B. Woolsey).

It was a truly beautiful day, and I don’t know how the Universe sent me this gorgeous Italian man who rocks the soccer field as eagerly as he does a yoga mat, who gives me, his lucky wife, so much great web design, and who is, generally speaking, the most amazing partner I could have dreamed up–but somehow, I did get this lucky, and I’m grateful for it, every day.