Frazey Ford

Oh, Frazey Ford. I love her name, her voice, and how she rocks her curves in lame and sequins.

Most of all, I love these lyrics from her song, “Done.”

And I’m sorry that you don’t like your life
I fought for my own victories and for the beauty in my life
My joy, my joy, my joy takes nothing from you.
No, my joy, my joy, my joy takes nothing from you.

I spent the weekend listening to that song, sharing it with my toddler (who also listened to it, over and over–after it finished, she’d point to the computer and say, “More!”).

Then, I went to my Sunday night vinyasa flow class, which is like heaven and hell to me, all in one room. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been downward-dogging at the beginning of class, feeling like I want to crawl out of my skin (“Why the fuck did I come to yoga, tonight?”), only to end it feeling like I want to make love to the world (starting with my husband).

This particular night, what came to me as I was moving through vinyasas, was this:

“Enlightenment through ecstasy. Enlightenment through ecstasy.”

As in, not always needing to do “the hard work” in order to get to happiness.

I have found that the prayers I offer during savasana are usually the most potent. My prayer during this savasana was to open my being-ness, completely, to enlightenment through ecstasy.

Enlightenment = to enlighten. To shine light upon. To learn. To understand. To grow.

Ecstasy = Unrestrained joy. Sensuous delight. Happiness without compromise.

The Hard Work

I am particularly keen to my own patterns of trying to shirk the hard work–the lies I used to tell myself, the justifications for copping out selling out bailing on myself and others. It took hard work–and still can take hard work–to overcome my own victim mentality.

But–mmmmm, yeah–Enlightenment through ecstasy means that I’m interested in what I can learn through being really fucking happy. I’m interested in what lies in store for me if I am open to learning just as much through feeling all the good stuff, as I am in walking with the shadow.

I fought for my own victories and the beauty in my life.

–and now, I’m ready to stop fighting and enjoy the fruits of that.

My joy my joy my joy takes nothing from you.

–and all the places where I’ve reigned in my joy, so as not to trigger someone else, or so that I could “be realistic” and avoid someone saying, “Who do you think you are”? Yeah. Takes nothing from you. I get it. I so, so get it.

Where Do I Start?

I have this idea that I call The Theory of Really Fucking Happy. One of the tenets is this: Fuck “being realistic” about your happiness.

In other words, when you’re deciding what your Really Fucking Happy life looks like, don’t try to reign it in by “being realistic.”

One of the ways that we can unconsciously “be realistic” about happiness is in deciding, “Well, I’d better do lots of hard work to correct all my flaws.” After all, gotta be realistic, right? It’s gotta be hard work, right?

Some of the time, it probably will be–especially if you’ve been shirking the hard work for years, as I did.

After you put your time in, though, there comes this space where you understand the lay of the land. You understand the shadowy stuff, the dysfunctional patterns. (I am the expert on my Shit Emotions, let me tell you.)

Enlightenment through ecstasy is the next level. The prayer sounds something like this:

Go ahead, Universe. Bring me more happiness and joy than you think I can stand. I’m ready!

And instead of having hands folded, palms pressed, you throw your head back and your arms open wide.