i know :: one thing :: that I love you

Aside from all of the usual loveliness that people comment upon with their partners–kind, generous, a good listener, etc.,–my man is Italian.

Truly, my life is blessed, yes?

He’s also one hell of a graphic designer. He don’t come cheap, but remember–the best never do.

The video above was made in 2006. It was one of those happenstance things where he made some weird noise and I jokingly hit his chest and then we were laughing hysterically and then I begged to get in on video. Further proof that we are “just the right kind” of weird for one another, and I share it all with you.

—————-

My love, I adore you, respect you, and totally and completely honor who you BE. Thank you so much for the most powerful five years of my life! Happy anniversary!

~ Kate

(March 2010).

disheveled is not a credential

My beautiful friend, Diana.

I was talking to Diana after we’d just completed a Bikram yoga class that had started at 6am.

Some friends had given us both just the teensiest bit of shit for being willing to get up at 5am to make a 6am yoga class. There seemed to be a consensus that people who do things like juice, get up for early yoga classes, go to bed early, meditate, or attend empowerment workshops were a bit too straight-laced, and that doing such things made us into completely un-relatable human beings.

This struck me as a backlash effect that was not particularly…kind.

But here’s the thing: disheveled is not a credential.

It is not more “authentic.”

The people who act condescending if you won’t have a glass of wine are not “having more fun” than you when they tell you to pull the stick out of your rear, lighten up, and “have some fun.”

No one has it all together, even the micro-nutrient types who attend personal growth workshops.

Really, what we’re talking about here is this: the ways in which people use the “this messy life” identity system to justify themselves as “better than.”

If someone owns that they’re messy and disheveled, beautiful.

If they take that on as an identity system and then use that to treat others in a condescending manner…that’s not so beautiful.

It’s the backlash thing. It’s snarky.

–Yeah. That’s not serving anyone any more than if someone were being arrogant and holier-than-thou about their master cleanse.

The Difference

Yes–there is something really powerful in owning where our vulnerabilities and weaknesses are. What I hear people say most often about when others expose their rough patches is that it makes it easier to accept their own–and that’s true for me, too.

The line blurs when it starts to either directly or energetically create divisions, with the “people who have it all together” on one side getting labeled as conceited or arrogant, while the crowd who views themselves as “more real because we don’t have it all together” on the other, using “disheveled” as some kind of credential for authenticity.

No one is winning at that game.

I mean, isn’t it ridiculous! Who has anything, ever, all totally wrapped up? Let’s ditch the insecurities that cause the “backlash” against anyone who willingly gets up for a 6am yoga class, just as much as we ditch the insecurities that might cause a 6am-er to put her nose in the air if someone simply owns it: yoga? at 6am? not for them.

The so-called perfect bloggers, the advice columnists, the woman down the street who looks like a Stepford Wife…we do them a collective disservice when we do not fully “see” them for who they are, when we isolate away from them when we decide that in response to the illusion of perfection, betterness can be proven by displaying dishevelment as a new identity.

Authenticity is living your vision for your life, and that’s what you make it. Burn brightly, go forth with courage, own the disheveled bits with transparency as they arise, and–don’t make the flaws into yet another identity to disentangle from.

tender

I found this meme at a blog and started looking around to figure out who started it, and didn’t find it (everyone was linking to someone else who linked to someone else…) and now I’m not remembering the blog I found it on. Well, then. Sheesh.

I don’t usually get into memes and things, but this one struck me as tender. I am in one of those cycles where I am noticing all of my tender places and feeling them more acutely and wanting them to be less hidden.

I am: embracing all of it.
I think: there is room for all of us.
I know: that love wins in the end.
I want: to wake up each day feeling fully alive.
I have: cameras coming out of my ears.
I dislike: the way I feel when I’ve had too much caffeine.
I miss: spending hours swinging on the swingset.
I fear: getting so overwhelmed that I give up on myself.
I feel: rollercoasters of emotions; fear, blame, doubt, joy, acceptance, perseverance, excitement…
I hear: the wind whistling outside
I smell: fantastic. :)
I crave: authentic connection; a cohesive tribe.
I usually: have chocolate every day.
I search: for truth-telling in a person’s eyes.
I wonder: how it is that we humans can be so mean to one another.
I regret: the meanness and social awkwardness of my early-mid 20′s, which resulted in the loss of potential friendships.
I love: my partner. All day. Every day. Even when it seems like anything but.
I care: deeply about living my vision for myself.
I am always: in a process of change.
I worry: about not being able to pay the bills.
I remember: the neighborhood I made in the attic for all of my Barbie dolls, and how I could spend hours there.
I have: a startling lack of compassion for Mean Girls, and some shame about that lack of compassion.
I dance: as much as possible!
I sing: in my car, top volume.
I don’t always: eat meat, though sometimes I will (In and Out Burger is a weakness).
I argue: more often than I would like.
I write: because to do so is a space of safety and truth-telling.
I lose: an estimated 3.5 pairs of socks every year.
I wish: that more people believed in possibility.
I listen: carefully.
I don’t understand: why Italian must have so many different verb tenses.
I can usually be found: these days, in my home office!
I am scared: that people might not realize how much I love them, need them, and cherish them.
I need: good books, good people, hugs, community, abundance, artistic expression.
I forget: that life is about the journey, not the destination.
I am happy: when I am fully seen as a fumbling, stumbling, mistake-making, joyful, vibrant, courageous human being.
What about you?