How we use money is a reflection of how powerful we feel.
Before a life coaching client begins working with me, I give them The Courageous Questions, a deep inquiry into who they are in the right-here, right-now. I ask about money on the pre-session questions. I want to know how they feel about it and what role it plays in a client’s life. Sure, I’m asking in some part because I want to do the ethical thing and ensure that coaching is not going to be a strain that their finances simply can’t take. I’m also wanting to get a bit of insight into their relationship to their own personal power.
I realized that Kate’s work was hugely powerful and that she would do a far better job of getting people to think about their relationship with money than I would, so I asked if she’d be part of the CLP and she agreed. Mmm-hmmm. That’s right.
Take a few minutes to watch this piece of our interview, to get started--I’m asking Kate what to do when you decide that you’re going to shift and act powerfully with money…and then the naysayers chime in to tell you that you aren’t being realistic. How do you respond?
The Drama Diet: Quite possibly the only “diet” that ever feels good to start.
I don’t support the diet industry, preying on making people feel insecure in order to purchase a product, especially when those products/regimens/systems ultimately hurt people and don’t fix what’s really at the core. When I’m using the term “diet” here, I’m using it in the context of “cutting out what doesn’t work.”
Drama doesn’t work.
Earlier this year, I had a “fuck it” moment and in a very organic way I said to myself: “I’m going on a drama diet.” What followed thereafter was a systematic evaluation of where I was both tolerating drama and perpetuating it with my responses. I’ve left no stone unturned in examining the drama. I’ve taken loads of stuff to Goodwill, stopped justifying why it was or wasn’t okay to take a particular action and just gone with “It doesn’t feel good, and that’s a good enough reason,” told the truth and told it clean, and I’ve stopped hustling to make relationships/business ventures/commutes/collaborations work when they just…didn’t.
And somewhere along the way, I found more time for sleep and meal planning and exercise, and managed to do the same amount of work in less time.
Want to get on board?
I thought about creating a paid course that helped people to systematically examine and remove drama from their lives. Then my internal gyroscope said, “Nope. Feels like drama. Feels like hustlin’. Feels like taking on too much, because I’ve got other big things happening.”
Also, something within me recognizes that for a great many people out there, a certain level of drama is being created by the never-ending, constant, and ceaseless taking of courses, e-programs, signing up for workshops, reading of self-help articles…and on and on.
So here are the details. Check yourself. Is this course right for you?
- The course runs for four weeks, starting September 5th
- To participate, you’ll need to be a YCL subscriber. If you’re already a YCL subscriber, you’ll automatically get the course, starting September 5th. If you’re not a current YCL email subscriber, click one of the hot pink icons within this blog post to sign up.
- You’ll want to make sure you click the opt-in email. If you don’t, you won’t get the course.
- Are you a Gmail user? It’s also helpful if you pull the YCL newsletters into your “Primary” tab, so that you don’t have to remember to check your Newsletters/Promotions tab. Everyone else? It’s helpful if you mark any messages that come through as “not spam” just to ensure that everything arrives in your inbox.
- Plan to set aside 30 minutes each week for the lessons, which will arrive every Thursday in September (the 5th, 12th, 19th, and 26th).
- Do a gut check: Is participating in this course going to be more drama? It’s okay to sit this one out, you know.
- Want to get others involved? Click to tweet: “Join me and @katecourageous this September for the free Drama Diet e-course.” http://clicktotweet.com/OymQS
Ready to join? Head here: http://www.yourcourageouslife.com/welcome-to-your-courageous-life/.
I’d worked hard for something I wanted. I had sacrificed. Made tough choices. Worked long(er) hours. I’d done all the things that people do when they want some seriously big shit to happen.
And–I’d succeeded! I was having a flat-out fantastic day, the kind where months of work were culminating in being supported and loved, more cash in one twenty-four hour period than I’d ever seen, and a flow of thank-you emails. I had given a lot, and I was receiving a lot.
It was a perfect day, the kind that will always be memorable because it was so damned good. I went out to grab a kombucha and played Katy Perry’s “Fireworks” on auto-repeat (and sang aloud, devil-may-care if anyone saw me. Whatevs! Joygasm, baby!).
A few months later, someone asked me about the experience. The high had faded, but the day was still fond in my mind. I told them all about it. They wanted this experience, for themselves.
“I was lucky with how everything came together,” I said, but from the second I said it, I noticed that something in my body reacted to that statement.
It was the sort of statement that I had always casually tossed off, before: “I’m really lucky” or “I got lucky” or “I was lucky that it all worked out.”
I began playing around with it. But…I am just lucky, aren’t I? I thought. So many people suffer due to circumstances that they have no control over. I see so clearly how the challenges that come into their lives could just as easily have befallen mine. Death, illness, car crashes, natural disasters–no one is immune. Isn’t that…just lucky?
There was a strange energy on my chest, over my heart. Sadness, tightness. So I asked that sad tightness: “What do you need me to know? What are you trying to tell me?”
I took a deep breath, and listened. I replayed the conversation I’d had where I’d initially told someone that I was “just lucky.”
Yes, of course. I’m lucky. It’s true. My life’s challenges haven’t buried me. I have a reasonable trust in the support structures I’ve created that I can face future challenges that arise. I have no illusions that I’m immune from the possibility of deep grief that throws a black cloud on everything, illness or car crashes that make taking one simple breath a Herculean effort, or natural disasters that astound and confound with their awesome power.
Yes, and–it hit me that there’s a scarcity in “just being lucky.”
It hit me that I’d first said this because I’d felt afraid of burning too brightly for the person I’d been speaking with.
I was minimizing my work and every choice that I’d made that had supported my success.
I was minimizing the support of all the people who had rallied to help.
I was still wounded by the times when I’d hustled and worked hard, and not seen success, and turned those experiences into personal assaults: I should have worked harder, I should have done it better, I should have should have should have…
We can be so hard on ourselves when we fail. “Just being lucky” is how we are hard on ourselves when we succeed.
Sure, on one level, all of us can look at our lives and see where we are “lucky.”
On another level, though? The level I want to live from?
Radiate from the place of knowing that you did what it takes, that you dared to hope, that you had the courage to face fear, that you and an entire network of people in the world contributed to the fulfillment of your dream.
And if you haven’t tasted the kind of success I’m talking about, radiate in knowing that you’re rocking the journey of it all. It’ll come. And some seriously good stuff is happening right here, right now.
There’s scarcity in “just being lucky,” but there’s abundance in owning what we had the courage to create.
Click to tweet: “There’s scarcity in ‘just being lucky,’ but there’s abundance in owning the courage to create.” http://clicktotweet.com/1eG9e