value, psychographics, and what great launches have to do with great sex

Perhaps you’re new to the online world–so let me introduce you to Chris Guillebeau, who’s known for writing The Art of Non-Conformity blog as well as a book by the same title. He’s the creator of the World Domination Summit, a contributor to The Courageous Living Guide,

chris guillebeau, www.100startup.com–and most importantly, today at least, the author of a new book: The $100 Startup.

A few reasons why this interview is worth listening to:

  1. 1.) Chris has built a massive social media following (as of this post, his twitter following is about to hit the 76,000 mark) and that’s because he delivers value–and in this interview, he talks about finding convergence between passion and value;
  2. 2.) Feel like you’re marketing to “everyone”? Then listen up–the people who are interested in Chris don’t follow a traditional demographic–they come from all walks of life, which is why we need to talk psychographics, not just demographics;
  3. 3.) He’s often referred to as the “gentleman of the internet,” and for good reason–he’s interested in doing business with integrity, and that makes all the difference in the world–which is something I allude to with this whole “great launches are like great sex” metaphor that had us laughing during this interview.

Grab your notebook and a pen and paper, and listen up–the information here is valuable. After that? Click here to learn more.

10 bullshit-free ways to do the hard work and play to your leading edge

1.) Start meditating–yes, daily. This is how you tap into that which is divine, within and without. People aren’t lying when they tell you that it works. Whether it’s sitting quietly and looking out a window or a zafu with incense and your hands in the proper mudra, make time for…Quiet. Silence. Stillness. Do whatever supports you getting present.

 

2.) Do the work; no excuses. Most people start trying to dismantle core issues while simultaneously feeling terrified that they exist at all. This makes really getting at the root more difficult. Examine your core issues until you’re no longer afraid that they exist (from there, feel free to start dismantling them). Do the work, no excuses. Doubly true for life coaches who want to powerfully support their clients.

 

3.) Quit assuming you’ve got it all figured out–or pretending to. This is a biggie, especially around the internet, where so many are trying to craft an online persona that positions them as an expert, leaving them painfully narrow choices around how they develop who they are.

 

4.) Ask for honest feedback. I’ve got a man who challenges me because he isn’t going to settle for anything less than he deserves. I trust my closest friends to not let me play life small. I ask them to be honest with me, to not “spare” my feelings, to please do me the honor of telling the the entire truth because that’s how I’ll get another inch of freedom. ASK for the feedback. Ask often.

 

5.) Speaking of asking? Listen. Listen to your entire life–and then don’t push back! Danielle LaPorte asks this great question: “What is repetitive or chronically inflamed in your life?” I know what my answer is to this question–it’s repetitive that people think I’m coming off with a harsher edge than I’m internally feeling or intending to show.

I used to fight against that, get defensive, try to convince people that the flaw was not in my presentation, but in their perception.

Now, it’s like–How fast can I apologize? I mean, jesus christmas–how many people would need to tell me that they see this exact thing before I’d stop putting it on them? (Apparently, quite a lot, because I didn’t start doing it with fully integrity until a few years ago.)

Listen to your life and what it’s telling you, to what your health is telling you, what people are telling you, your intuition is telling you, your stomach is telling you. Then–don’t push back. Don’t make someone wrong for their feedback. Don’t make your body wrong. Don’t eat that food again. Don’t subvert your intuition. Don’t make your inner critic the “problem” in your life. Listen. Don’t push back.

 

6.) Take 100% responsibility for absolutely everything that shows up in your life. Listen to your life, don’t push back, and then take responsibility. That person is pissed at you? Take responsibility for your part. Your body’s ill? Take responsibility for stress, sleep habits, eating habits, all of it that is within your conscious control (and look for the unconscious places, too). Inner critic running amok? Take responsibility–because I know that my inner critic only goes into overdrive when I haven’t been taking care of myself in some way.

Julie Daley shared something her teacher had taught her, recently: “If it’s showing up in your life, you’ve already said ‘yes’ to it.” When she said that, the truth of it went right through me. If it’s showing up in my life–it’s here, so accept it and deal with it.

 

7.) Embrace dichotomies. You’ll be happier the more you realize that everything that’s wonderful is also terrible, in some way, and vice-versa. When you prop someone up on a pedestal, they have no place to go but down. When you decide that a situation is bad, with no redeeming virtue, you leave no room for what might be good. If you don’t embrace life holistically, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

8.) Stop pretending that other people “can’t tell.” For crying out loud! I can tell when I’m being judged, when someone thinks I “should” or “shouldn’t” do something, or when someone is disconnected, emotionally. I’m not stupid. Neither are you–you can tell if I do this with you. How about we both stop doing this, and just get honest?

 

9.) Quit thinking anyone or anything “owes” you. We all deserve respect and love, and that’s about it. We’re all more likely to get it when we don’t demand it. “You owe me” is about the least sexy energy imaginable. Oh!–and–note that this energy is another one of those things that people “can tell” about you when you’re in it.

 

10.) Prioritize joy. In reality, the blog post you need to write, the business you’re trying to start, the deadline you need to meet, or even the friends you don’t have time for or the temper that you don’t bother to control because you’re “under stress”–none of that is as important as joy.

 

Every pithy thing you’ve ever read about prioritizing happiness, joy, self-care–it’s all true, every word, and the question is just when enough years of neglect will pile up and finally issue you their bill, payable now, no more extensions.

A rich inner life is all that matters. We are here to create these rich inner lives, and when we take responsibility for our lives and get deeply honest, that’s when the greatest potential is available.

Live big. Now.

7 Life Mistakes–and what to learn from them

First, a quick note on what constitutes a “mistake.” There are those who say that mistakes are mistakes–you done wrong. Period.

Then there’s the camp that says there is no such thing as a mistake–that every experience in life is a learning opportunity, yadda yadda yadda.

In service to transparency–I tend to fall into the latter camp. Mistakes are learning experiences, and in the end, I have no regrets. I dig the gifts that have come from the “mistakes” I’ve made.

But let’s also be realistic–the choices we make have repercussions on our lives and the lives of others. It strikes me as a bit too smug, a tad too shiny and glib, to brightly proclaim, “Why, there’s no such thing as a mistake!” and leave it at that. Also worth noting? I do run into the occasional person who uses this to excuse themselves from having a conscience about their poor behavior.

Now, having said all that, you’ll know where I’m coming from: integrity all the way, owning your choices, including making the choice to learn from your “mistakes.”

 

Here are my top seven “Life Mistakes”–and what you can learn from them:

1.) Staying in any relationship past its expiration date. You know what I’m talking about–when everything in you senses that this is O-V-E-R, and the weeks (or, ahem, months) of girding your loins to end it are just time wasted trying to avoid the “breakup feelings” that you know you’re going to feel, anyway. Doubly true for the time I stayed with this guy.

2.) Keeping anything at all past its expiration date. Same logic as above, and I’ve done this more than once. For instance, I once dumped $1k into an old car that everyone, including my father, was telling me to get rid of. Did the car last? Of course not. Just as with relationships, you can’t resuscitate something that is dying–you can only keep putting time or money into it. Just recently, it was time to either invest money into tuning up my old car, or decide to get a new one. I called my father, who said, “Get a new one.” This time, I listened. Same goes for jeans that no longer fit, jobs that are underwhelming, or anything else that is not a match. Find a way to make it a match, and if you don’t, release it.

3.) Trying to work for myself without having enough money, experience, or collaborative networks–thinking “If you build it, they will come.” Note: What I learned from that experience was not that I should always have a plan, but rather–how to fail, and fail better, and fail better, until I wasn’t failing any longer. It’s a harder road, but it taught a shit-ton of self-sufficiency and really honed my tenacity for picking myself back up, not to mention it being behind the massive success of The Coaching Blueprint, which helps people to circumvent as many of those mistakes as possible.

4.) Repeating gossip about other people–even if it’s not a slam. I once repeated gossip I’d heard, not from the perspective of agreement, but from the perspective of, “Isn’t it shitty that so-and-so said such-and-such about our friend, Nice Person?” Somehow, it got back to Nice Person that Kate had been the one saying “such-and-such” when in fact I’d only been repeating the “such-and-such” and disagreeing with it. The fallout from that experience? Brutal. Many a coaching session went into dissecting that one, and particularly healing the wounds that came from being left out of the social circle. What did I learn from it? Tons.

5.) Not telling that “social web guru” what I really thought of her condescending attitude, and asking her to either make right or send me a refund. Lesson learned? Not speaking up in times like these will make you feel like a sucker. As Brene Brown says, “Choose discomfort over resentment.”

6.) Pulling an “I’m mad at you, so I’m not talking to you” with a few friends over the years. Apparently, the thirteen-year-old in me didn’t quite get over herself until I was in my latter twenties and decided to grow up and let people make their own choices without my judgment. Lesson learned? Self-righteousness is painful.

7.) Losing my temper in big, bad, scary ways–ways that are out of control and completely unfair, even abusive. What have I learned from that anger? A lot about how to work with it and have compassion for myself, as well as the humbling realization that all the self-help work in the world would not justify bad behavior. It’s also simultaneously vulnerable and powerful to own up to it.

 

Beyond making mistakes, I have more interest in the question of how we learn from them, how we course-correct, and what the mistakes contribute to our lives.

I can see how some of the mistakes on this list had more impact because they were repeated several times–we continue to make the same mistake, over and over, hoping that it’ll turn out differently the next time, that life will justify our old pattern rather than giving us the message that we need to take responsibility for our lives and be the stewards of change.

It’s worth evaluating your life and asking yourself–are there any places where I do that? Where I make the same choice, again and again, and it’s clearly not serving me?

Fear might be running the game at those times, but there’s always the big bold possibility of practicing courage. That’s how you see what’s on the other side of the mistake–by feeling stuck and pissed and sad and worried and alone, and choosing to walk through the fire, anyway.

P.S. I’ll be there, right beside you. Let’s be beautifully, imperfectly human–together.