What to do when life throws you a curveball
Sometimes, life will throw a little curve ball your way.
One of the hugest misconceptions that I see is that of believing that if you just wait to start something until you no longer feel afraid, the curve balls won’t happen. The myth is that you will effectively manage to side-step them, and that a curveball is a sign that you shouldn’t continue until things have settled down.
Here’s what to do when life throws you a curveball:
Feel your feelings. Yes, you’re sad, or you’re pissed. Go ahead and feel that. Denying feeling your feelings when the unexpected, frustrating challenges of life arise is one of the ways we waste time. Just feel the truth of what you feel.
Put a time limit on how much you’re in those feelings. Feeling feelings is healthy; wallowing in them is not. So, allow yourself 24 hours to be pissed or sad, and then focus on releasing it. Some people think that this is spiritual bypass. I vote that as long as we aren’t talking about acute trauma or the loss of a loved one—if we’re just talking about your garden variety moments of life being unfair and challenging—it’s better to not spend too much time in the muck.
Intentionally find things that are positive. Feelings don’t just dissipate. I realize that. So when I say that you have to let them go, I mean you have to find the thing that creates a new, positive feeling. For 99% of the population I’m going to go with…exercise. Seriously. Get to running fast, or lifting something heavy, and your mind shifts focus. Exercise is also clinically shown to help with depression and anxiety. If you’re not going to go with exercise, find people to hang out with. That’s also been clinically shown to help people bounce back from difficult experiences.
Pay attention to your “Stories” about that curveball. Are you assuming something can’t be done because of the curveball? Are you thinking all is lost? That you made a mistake? Well, those are all Stories. You can tell yourself Stories that are helpful, or Stories that are unhelpful. You choose.
Begin brainstorming all possible solutions, even those that you don’t think you’ll choose. If you have an unexpected financial expense, brainstorm the creative ways to get out of it. Leave nothing off of the list for ways to handle the problem. You might find your way to an unexpected but helpful solution.
Don’t go it alone. Find other people to talk it through with. They might also have helpful suggestions for you.
See it as a learning opportunity. When life throws you a curveball, there’s always a positive benefit if it’s something we can learn from.
Mood management is first and foremost when dealing with these things. When life throws me a curveball, I’m not inclined to immediately try to make the best of the situation any more than anyone else. First, it impacts me. It’s a conscious effort of will to decide to see things through a different lens, so that the curveball doesn’t become a knock out. I’m guessing the same will be true for you, too—so know that you’re normal if you don’t feel like doing this stuff. Also know, however, that this is the path out of being stuck, and it begins once you choose it.