become happy

I used to think that the point of self-help work was to become happy. I was going to double-down on my negative thoughts, stop buying in to limiting beliefs, and start seeing the bright side of life—at which point, I’d be happy. Except when I’d step into the work, I...
A reason to be happy

A reason to be happy

Are you waiting to feel good? Need a reason to be happy? You don’t need a reason to be happy. We should not wait for a reason, to feel good. I’m talking truly, deep down to our rooted spiritual bones good—not fulfilling cheap whims good, not numbing out with a...
why your life matters

why your life matters

When I was in my early 20s, I was struggling with extreme clinical depression. I remember spending days at home, not eating, fitfully sleeping, in between bouts of crying. I lived with a terribly unkind roommate, and money was so tight in those days that my bank...
How long will it take to feel better?

How long will it take to feel better?

So…how long will it take to feel better? “I’m doing everything you said I should do,” I told my coach, Matthew. “How long does it take to feel better?” I’d been taking time daily to meditate, visualize, tap into gratitude, move my body, notice any places where I was...
choosing drama

choosing drama

It can be good to check in, now and again: when it comes to your self-help, is it possible that profound shifts could come from simple answers, and you’re over-complicating it? In other words, are you choosing drama? All over this website, I talk about things like how...
how will you let it define you?

how will you let it define you?

Years ago, I worked for a rape crisis organization. When I was in training, the organization was very clear about something: the people, mostly women, who they served were survivors of assault, not victims of assault. “When someone dies, they are the victim of a car...