on manifesting a man, money, and anything else

“Manifesting” has become one of those terms that I almost dislike–it’s just so over-used, so patently misunderstood.

It’s been capitalized upon, used to screw people out of money, and occasionally I’ve seen it used to shame people for having doubts, fears, or insecurities (and you already know that I’m neither down for shame nor for trying to “eliminate” fear).

Yet–despite a lack of conclusive empirical evidence–I confess that I believe that I have seen things manifest in my life, things that have come to me through something beyond simple coincidence.

I don’t think it’s as literal as “I want thing, I think of thing, I manifest thing” or “that bad thing happened to you because you were manifesting bad things happening.” In fact, I have given up trying to explain it, prove it, or justify it–I don’t understand it. I only appreciate what shows up in my life.

If you, like me, tend to be skeptical of such things (yes, it’s true–until a few years ago, I was highly skeptical) then I would invite you to view this as the “no b.s.” approach to manifesting.


The Basics

It seems to me that whether one calls it the “law of attraction” or simply “I create a good life through making choices that are a match for what I want,” there are certain commonalities that are needed if we’re talking about manifesting:

First, one must be open to possibility, curious, and not have a belief that something definitively won’t happen.

Second, one must start putting action forward. That “action” can be a mental mindset or a to-do list that seemingly aims in the right direction. Tangible, intangible–the forward momentum is something that seems to generate a response.

Third, one must believe they’re worthy of receiving something.

Fourth, one must believe that it’s going to happen even in the midst of seeming obstacles (for instance, had you asked me if I’d find a great life partner when I was dating Commitment Phobic Man, I’d have said no. But of course, I did need to date that guy, learn what I needed to learn from that relationship, and then move on to my next in order to have the wisdom that would prepare me for future relationships. Had I decided based on Commitment Phobic Man that there were “no good men left,” how would that have served me?).


Resistance and Opening

One question I like to ask myself from time to time when I am feeling particularly resistant to stepping into integrity/my vision for myself, is this one: Am I willing to live as though manifesting is true?

If I am presented with any challenge in life, asking that question places me squarely in a place of accepting responsibility for whatever I have created in my life and being the one responsible for changing its circumstances.

Since the principles behind manifesting are based on things like thinking positively, I am willing to step into a space of choosing positively and believing, even without proof, because my alternatives (negative thinking? feeling hopeless?) don’t feel powerful. 

Oh, the stories I could tell

I could tell you about lavish, 4-star boutique hotels in Italy, where chilled champagne was waiting for me upon arrival, and their award-winning in hotel restaurant, with five servers to my one table (one for bread, one for wine, for the appetizer, one for dinner, one for dessert). I could tell you how I stayed for free.

I could tell you about having a series of dreams in the weeks leading up to when I met my man, and how, before our first actual date, we ran in to one another at the grocery store that wasn’t even in the same neighborhood of where either of us lived.

I could tell you about coming back from Paris, jet-lagged and exhausted and getting on the last train of the day with zero cash on me, hoping that the conductor wouldn’t find me, and how I stepped onto the one car that just happened to contain people I knew, and how they had made a last-minute decision to be traveling by train that day.

I do not take these things for granted.

How You Feel

How you feel is your guide, whether you believe in manifesting, or not.

If you’re not feeling right, trust that there’s valuable information, there. Then do something about it. That alone can be enough to get the wondrous wheels of the world turning in an entirely different direction.

This is the beautiful thing about manifesting–that whether you have it all figured out, or not, simply having a curious openness to possibility and a willingness to take steps in a certain direction will tell you all that you need to know.

i know :: one thing :: that I love you


Aside from all of the usual loveliness that people comment upon with their partners–kind, generous, a good listener, etc.,–my man is Italian.

Truly, my life is blessed, yes?

He’s also one hell of a graphic designer. He don’t come cheap, but remember–the best never do.

The video above was made in 2006. It was one of those happenstance things where he made some weird noise and I jokingly hit his chest and then we were laughing hysterically and then I begged to get in on video. Further proof that we are “just the right kind” of weird for one another, and I share it all with you.


My love, I adore you, respect you, and totally and completely honor who you BE. Thank you so much for the most powerful five years of my life! Happy anniversary!

~ Kate

(March 2010).

disheveled is not a credential

My beautiful friend, Diana.

I was talking to Diana after we’d just completed a Bikram yoga class that had started at 6am.

Some friends had given us both just the teensiest bit of shit for being willing to get up at 5am to make a 6am yoga class. There seemed to be a consensus that people who do things like juice, get up for early yoga classes, go to bed early, meditate, or attend empowerment workshops were a bit too straight-laced, and that doing such things made us into completely un-relatable human beings.

This struck me as a backlash effect that was not particularly…kind.

But here’s the thing: disheveled is not a credential. It is not more “authentic.” Choosing to put one’s messiness on display doesn’t make you any more real than touting a raw-foods-vegan-organic-sustainable lifestyle as being better than everyone else.

No one has it all together.

Really, what we’re talking about here is this: the ways in which people use the “this messy life” identity system to justify themselves as “better than.”

If someone owns that they’re messy and disheveled, beautiful.

If they take that on as an identity system and then use that to treat others in a condescending manner…that’s not so beautiful.

It’s the backlash thing. It’s snarky.

–Yeah. That’s not serving anyone any more than if someone were being arrogant and holier-than-thou about their master cleanse.

The Difference

Yes–there is something really powerful in owning where our vulnerabilities and weaknesses are. What I hear people say most often about when others expose their rough patches is that it makes it easier to accept their own–and that’s true for me, too.

The line blurs when it starts to either directly or energetically create divisions, with the “people who have it all together” on one side getting labeled as conceited or arrogant, while the crowd who views themselves as “more real because we don’t have it all together” on the other, using “disheveled” as some kind of credential for authenticity.

No one is winning at that game.

The so-called perfect bloggers, the advice columnists, the woman down the street who looks like a Stepford Wife…we do them a collective disservice when we do not fully “see” them for who they are, when we isolate away from them when we decide that in response to the illusion of perfection, betterness can be proven by displaying dishevelment as a new identity.

Authenticity is living your vision for your life, and that’s what you make it. Burn brightly, go forth with courage, own the disheveled bits with transparency as they arise, and–don’t make the flaws into yet another identity to disentangle from.