Boundaries are about love. We often get hung up in the extremes of trying to be too boundaried, or letting go of boundaries, altogether. When we remember that boundaries are about love, then we can find the middle ground.

When people are unkind to us, we can get reactive and pissed—or, we can choose a different experience. To choose your experience in the face of how others behave is tough to do, but it brings more peace. Here’s how.

Having boundaries is about saying, “I will take responsibility for choosing the experience I have of you, and let you go ahead and choose the experience you have of me.” It's boundaries, baby--boundaries. Guess who's in charge of those? Guess who gets freed up when she lets go? You got it--you.

Have you ever apologized to someone in a conflict, and then waited for them to apologize for their part, too—and their apology never arrived? That’s offering an apology with attachments, and it’s a recipe for disaster in any conflict.