This post was written in December 2009, and documents my transition from part-time to full-time coaching.
In September, the very day that I decided that I would let go of teaching, the first symptoms hit of what I would now tentatively diagnose as an ulcer. In all of the blog reading I’ve done about people who have left jobs with some kind of security in favor of a path that offered no official “security” but a sense of fulfillment, I only recall people talking about whimsical journeys. Cue the fairy dust! I don’t recall anyone talking about feeling as if they were getting an ulcer.
So let me be the first (if I am), to report: Quitting your job and starting a new career path can cause something that feels suspiciously like an ulcer.
But truly, it’s hilarious. Hilarious! The hilarious thing is that I was sitting on the couch today, doing deep breathing, and I was completely okay with all of it, not in the sense that I was giving up and not caring but in the sense that I was simply taking it in stride, surrendering to it, accepting that this was part of the package that I chose, that this is how my body is choosing to express some of the fear that is coming up–the tummy is sore.
Perhaps the stomach upset doesn’t bother me so much because in addition to the fear, there are so many reasons to be excited–reasons like my Courageous Year e-course filling, or feeling inspired around new ideas for retreats, or seeing my available session times filling more than a month in advance (there are four remaining, so contact me ASAP if you want to set up a coaching session).
I am so very grateful. I am walking into our new house with gratitude, into my yellow studio with gratitude, into every single morning with gratitude. When the fear does come up, it is less and less about “If I do this, will anyone even care?” and more and more, “Wow, I’m doing this–what if I screw it up?”
And that, too–riding that fear–is also part of the journey.
I mean, that’s just it–it. I am completely and totally and utterly thrilled, and so thankful, and so excited, at the same time that my stomach can be in pain to varying degrees or I feel fear and worry about being a screwup.
“That’s all” is a nice place to be.
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